Very Wicked Fellas Diary

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september 19th 2022

science fiction - double feature . yea so good news grandma is fine they got the diagnosis wrong no cancer . she still has some lung trouble was why she was in the hospital in the first place but yea no cancer also she dosent smoke just as an info . uh what i forgot to write about last friday i met maura and we went to this café here in town wich is like very nice and artsy we only sat outside also they have to close down soon and there is a petition but i forgot to sign it . we kinda talked about something that has been troublin me to keep it short is how all the money flows upwards to rich men and how we been puttin sugar and salt and poisonous chemicals in our food fro 30 years and noone cares and how social media and commercials and superhero cinema is the same poison justs for the body not the mind and how i decided to keep myself away from all that and basicaly i am fucking the system by just bein happy its kinda like this : social media algorithms and advertisement and all stuff want u to be media adicted so u constantly run on low dopamine so u stay on their entertainment products longer and impulsively buy shit u dont need and the only way to fuck the system is to get your dopamine from doin sports ; hangin out and creating stuff like art or building something so basicaly u can fight bad guys by just being happy . its insane its insane so i am gonna do that from now on like i did it already kinda but now im gona actively do it with more motivation and stuff yea . keep your eyes on the donut not on the hole

september 18th 2022

yea so uh i was sick like i dunno over a week ago like sudenly been throwing up everything that was thursday not last thursday the one before and uh then been throwing up till 4 am and after that i was fine i was kinda scared because i coudlnt even drin water and stuff so i was scared to get a fever and like die or something but yea after that i didnt throw up the next few days kinda was fine felt like shits coudlnt eat for like 3 days in total and then sunday i had this big hike planned with my dad and grampa like a 4 hour walk and i was fine enough to go with them but it wasnzt realy fun cause my back hurt and i still felt like shit also i was angry at everyone for some reason i mean i kept that to myself and stuff they didnt notice i was angry i dont wana ruin anyones day . uh ive been reading a lot since then ; finished catcher in the rye and read interzone , franny and zooey ; and rn almost done with another one about a guy traveling through america with his poodle i will try to read one book a week and see how long i can keep that up . just now i was watchin rocky horor picture show and then got the news taht my grandmas at the hospital and they found a tumor in her lung so yea that kinda is the only thing i am thinkin about rn . we dunno anythin ywet and hope for thhe best

Auust 31st 2022:

im not dead . just had the covids - was fine not too bad got it from family uh felt normal just like a flu except for that one night when i hads these weird fever dream s and was in delirium felt alittle like when ur on acid and cant realy focus any thoughts on anything cause ur feeling everything your body can feel all at once . uh anyways i didnt do much in the time i wasnt allowed to leave my place but i went on a walk that one day and stuff im out now uh working again . i dunno if i wrote here that i quit my job like ill be still employed there just at a diferent floor and stuff uh also im am gettin into meditation more also i finished readin catcher in the rye today i loved it and uh i found some stuff about active imagination and william blake online wich got me crazy invested and i wanna learn about active imagination and try it even if its dangerous it’s like communicating with manifestations of ur unconscuous like a dream while it awake . i started reading this book i bought 2 years ago the 7 mysteries of life by guy murchie im on page 60 or somethin i realy wanna finish it this time cause its about life as a whole and i guess it tackles like uh panpsychism or somethin wich i like that concept a lot that like everything is conscious - and yea i started working out again wich i couldnt do while sick i hated not workgn out but im back into it and its so relieving - tomorrow at work i will start reading interzone by william a burroughs wich is just a edited version of naked lunch maybe it will have an actual story this one .

Auust 13th 2022:

today i met up with rambo for the first time in over a year . we was friends with benefits a while ago and then at some point i kinda just left . shes goin through some stuff like she always does gained a lotta weight cause of her antidepressnts . shes paintign now and selling the paintings i bought one of a chicken wich i liked so she got some money we went to the flea mrket and i bought an antique bird cage with a fake bird sitin on it . also i had a long chat with her boyfriend about movies he is a rapper and stuff does concerts sometimes like small local ones we wanna hang out and go to the theatr together some time . it was pretty nice all in all uh then i kinda went on my way home and i liked walking around with that bird cage through the city takin the bus and the train also at the station there was an old man at a store he wanted to buy fruits but they ndidnt sell the fruits they only used them to make juice so the girl clerk there was a litle confused and called her boss who spoke with a heavy accent and didnnt find the right words so he couldnt explain it to the old man and it was very funny i was just buying water and me and the girl were kinda both exchangin looks tht were like sayin man this is very ridicoulu s and funny yea curently there is right outside my door a king of festival and is kinda annoying because the loud music makes it hard to sleep and watch movies but its gonna be over tomorro

Auust 8th 2022:

yesterday was my granmas birthday so we went to the italian restaurant to celebrate . i didnt like it much but i dont like restaurants in generel so its fine and all . i wanted to tell a story that happened to me not yesterday but about a year ago when i was working at a different place than the boring office . there was a man in a wheelchair and i went to him and took the handles of the wheelchair to bring him to his room and he started talking to me : he said he did not regret ever smoking because he always knew it is bad for his health and he accepted tte concequences what he did regret however was his multiple sclerroses which he told me that he was a leading scientist teaching at a unversity some branch of maths wich i didnt understand what it was and 2 days after he retire from teaching at the university he played tennis - was a good tennis player too - and he complained about how the field like the ground was weird and as it turns out everyone thought he was crazy becaus it was just his left foot feelin numb . so the day he finaly wanted to start his life and pursue his tennis the old man got diagnosed with a terrible fate . we only talked for two minutes but i remmeber it very well . the old man is doing fine i hope

July 30th 2022:

the times they are a changin . yesterday boss called me in to have a talk and yea he kinda told me what i was like sayin all a long that i dont fit the job and stuff i mean hes just a pathological nice guy so hes kinda like he told me they can get me through training and all and make all that work but then in 3 years i will have to get a long without help and stuff and yea we both know that ain’t gona work so i mean i kinda work in public service or watever its called so yes he told me i should over the weekend think about what to do and today i talked about it with my parents and yea we gonna try to get me into some other job in public service cause its at least a safe job in these times of worry . ALL LOVE . so then i took some stuff from my old room at my parent house to my appartement and i found some old memory objects and a old diary from 2011 that i wrote into in midle school like 7th grade and i was a litle a retard back then didnet even know how to spell FUCKHEAD . it was nice dwelling in memories and remembering how much one forgets - i felt pretty bad yesterday and today tbh but i think the talk and stuff kinda was helpful and positive and good . remember to hug your loved ones

July 20th 2022:

i went to this old dude house today . for work that is and we was there with 2 doctors one was a paychiatrist me thinks and the janitor or somethin and a women who was like looking after him as her job uh not after the janitor after the old guy so also me and my colleague and and yea so he lived like in this beautiful house that was like very pretty with all the decoration and stuff but uh so we went there because like hes senile and hes been living in these terrible conditions that its like a health hazard so we went there and got in and hes deaf so we had to scream and stuff but he didnt hear us anyways and hes senile too so we get in and its like so dirty and the floor is covered with dried shit we had this plastic things to cover our shoes but yea the house look like a lost place like full of trash and spider webs and dirt yea and also the poop and it had such a strong aesthetic and the smell was horrific and stuff also he literaly was renting out another appartement in his basement like what the fuck even the people living there were realy butthurt as well like fuxk u yea . so i wanted to drive home but like on my car the little light went on that says that the motor has problems wich is weirdo cus i just got it from the workshop back yesterday and they only did a check up and fixed the door taht was broken so i drive to the gas station near my place and let the worker there look over it and it was just a minor thing didnt matter so its fine again now im home watchin friday the 13th part 7 ive been watching all the movies i like them they are fun also i bought gta san andreas for ps2 and the guy who previously owned my ps2 had a save file that was he played all the missions and spent over 50 hours in the game so ive been playing on his old safe file i wonder what his way in life was and where he is today . have a GREAT DAY

July 11th 2022:

didnt realy put anything here in a few days huh its not like nothin happen i wasnt in the mood is the reason . got some bad news and kinda spent the whole last week with my dad cause hes goin throuhg a tough time rn . we did some work at my appartement and we did some busines together . also i got my desk now finaly after waiting like 6 months for it its like made by a carpenter because the place where we put it is kinda uh the wall is in a fucky angle actualy several fucky angles so its kinda a round shape almost at one corner and then it like shapes like a j its hard to explain but thats the reason why i ddindt just buy one cause it wouldn fit so we ordered one from a carpenter and so yea he took 6 months to make it and they measured that corner like 3 times and today they screw it on the wall and it dosent fit like it fits into the corner but it dosent have the right shape its cut in a completely wrong angle but i didnt say anything because the guy closes his shop in 3 weeks and it wasntt him working at my place it was his employee and a trainee taht was maybe 17 and they gona be unemployed in like 3 week so i didnt wanna bother them but i texted my dad he knows that carpenter guy and he talked to him like texted him or something and i guess he said he wanted to fix it wich i didnt expect he would because he closes shop and all if i knew fixing itwas an option i wouldnt have accepted the wrong desk but yea so i guess maybe itll work out maybe we’ll see

July 4th 2022:

yea today was alright i went to the uni campus here in the city to meet maura for coffee wich was nice and i took the bus wich was the first time takin the bus in years for me and it was realy terible cause there was a buncha elementary kids takin the same bus so it was loud and croude d . but the cofee was nice and it brightened up my mood a litle cause i got prety bad news family wise yesterday also i got home after that and went to the gym for the first time in like 4 or 5 days because i had guests stayin here the last few days so i was happpy i could workout again after that i kinda only watched beavis and buthead and played silent hill 2 cause i live in 2006 and life is good and simple again

July 1st 2022:

uh so i guess today was pretty alright we met up with maura and went to taht cool museum thats is like about dinosaurs and prehistoric stuff and also theres like a little thing at the end about human history and stuff they have animatronics of the dinosaurs its very cool always a pleasure to be ther e i mean they have these rooms that look and smeell like the forest and theres little cretures that move everywherre and yea so after that we was planning on going to that boat tour but the weather was bad so we just visited my mom to say hi and then went to my place where we watched beavis and buthead on dvd and also the greasy strangler wich is a movie that is like rearly gross and all i watched it 3 times this week and i love it and maura liked it too so then donte passed out with his eyes open and i brought maura back to the train station and she said her boyfrend and his pals wanted to go drink at some bar tonight and that were invited and i said yes but i had to ask donte first when he wakes up and uh maura said she was going to text us where the guys go but like she then like said they are watching a movie at some place and she doesnt know when they go out and i was kinda tired and stuff and its in another city not the one i live in so i decided to sleep because i was super tired but then i wanted to go anyways and texted her and she had no reception anymore and then i noticed that im too tired to go out and then i went to sleep again and i mean i gues that was good becauee i guess i couldnt have been driving while i was so tired i mean yea wouldve been more fun to go out that night meet some new people now i feel like some greasy nerd for going to the museum for my birth day but iguess what can i do i mean i dunno im just gonna kill some politician or somethin so my reputation will change

June 30th 2022:

awaga abogahaga yea so am on vacation now / my buddy donte is visitin g for a few days for my birthday and uh so he came here by train yesterday and we kinda only got drunk after that oh yea we also watched this movie the greasy strangler wich was like realy gross and we been calling each other bulshit artist all the time since then uh so today we kinda just played some silent hill 2 on my old tv wich was pretty nice and then we went to the city and met this nice girl there we met up at this thrift shop thingie where i bought some plates and a few marbles for my marble colection i duno if u knew i had one but i do and uhm yea so we went to her place then and had some coffee and stuff and like talked a little i dunno like maybe two hours or something and then we left uh yea now we’re back at my place . donte is sleeping on the couch rn oh yea and this guy came over like an hour ago to uh hes like measuring this corner in my room where my desk will go i hope theyll finish that desk soon been waiting for it for months now barely using my pc havent turne d since like febuary because i got no real desk uh yes also these roof fixing people came other the other day and they said they cant fix my roof and i should just move to anoh ter place wich is yea no i wont its gonna work out somehow i gues . tomoro is my birthday we plan on doing to taht cool museum with like dino animatronics and after that to this lake renting these little boats i invited maura and also that girl from today probaly gonna be fun

June 21st 2022:

we went to the hospital today i mean at work me and that woman who works at my work uh we went to some new floor for like emergancies or something we checked if every thing was in order like from the hygiene stuff also i got a new tv table for my big old tv its like an oak wood one that belonged to my great grandma and it was i n my grandparents atic hiding in plain sight oh yes i was stayin st my grandmas house over the weekends because it was liek 39°C if u use fahrenheit ur gay and i live in the top floor of my house so it was way too hot so i just went there and visited them wich i do anyways once in a while their house is prety well insulated and i sleep in the basement that was nice so me and my grandpa took the tv table down and we sawed of the legs so they are shorter because i like it more that way maybe the table is haunted its like 50 years old uh i kinda forgot what i was talking about yea

June 15th 2022:

sooooo i did. hold taht presentstion today it went kinda well ive been more or less half assing it but they all complimented me a lot and all and they were satisfied im just happy its over for now we also went to this appointment taht is me and my fellow trainee and also this lady who is my senior coworker we went to this place for mentaly i’ll people where they can like stay during the day and do therapy but turns out we was there completely unnessasary so we just drove back also it was kind of a hassle to decide who’s driving because she had a bycicle crash the other day and her foot hurt so she asked me to drive but i dunno how to work a stick shift so we asked the other guy who would go with us but he didn’t have his glasses so i said i can like drive them with my own car but she said no so she drove anyways yea so tomorrow and friday is no work that means 4 days off for me ive been playing this game its called shaolin its some old ps1 game and ive been playing it the last few days its about travelling through china and fighting all the kung fu masters and you can decide wich style you wanna fight and i went for the drunken master and also your character starts out as a child but you age the longer you play it’s realy cool im probably gonna play it a lot in my free days but its supposed to get super warm so i might not stay indoors. oh yea also i think i didnt mention that uh so i got this little chamber like my appartement is like the kitchen and living room downstairs and my bedroom and two little storage rooms upstairs and one of these storage rooms i never opened because the walls are basically non existent so you can like look into the roof from the inside anyways the other day i heard strange noises from inside so i open the door and theres pigeons inside so yea i had a guy come look at the roof and theres holes in it aparently he also said they been up on that rooff a million times and its in like dangerously bad shape so we need to let the owners of the building fix it but that might take months wich is yea not so fun so i bought a fake cat and put it in there so the pigeons don’t come in i hope the cat scares them

June 12th 2022:

mornin‘ .. so yea been a shitty few days so my boss called me to his office the other day uhm thursday taht is and told me he was unsatisfied with me because people complained about me not being ”interested” enough into work . i mean yea i guess ??????? they had me just doin the same three mouse cliks for 8 hours straight for months now amd they wonder why im not interested in that work stuff gee i wonder . yea so he told me that they kinda been doin a bad job training me and that they gona try involving me more in the actual work im supposed to be trained for so yea great news he gave me about 100 pages of laws and industry regulations and im suposed to prepare a power point about it to show the other people from the office . so i kinda been doin that for like 4 days now and it’s like the worst work you can give me i cant focus on the text stuff i mean my boss is realy nice and sincere he like told me it dosent have to be good its just supposed to get me to study for stuff and if i cant do it i just hafta tell him but i hate not being able to do it so i will at least do the best job i can at it i wanna be able to tell myself that i tried n stuff anyways yea i hate it and i’m working on getting another job and quittin so well see how my life will turn out from now on also i just came home from a bike ride with both my parents its goin actualy well to spend time with them and open up a little ihave a prety bad relationship with them always had but i try to better it only i had these bad cramps in my belly after a while but they are getting better i’m feeling better now layin downn

June 5th 2022:

today was a good day . i woke up early but i thought it was realy late so i got up immedeatly but it was like 7am so i had a cup of coffee and it had rained this night like a lot so i got outside for a litle mornin walk through the little side alleys i went to the train station and that little street behind there that leads to teh church and all was in this certain way after it rained when ur out in nature it just has this feel to it that you feel like your livin i a pinterest post so after that i didnt realy do much all day i actualy don’t remember doin anything i wonder what i was doin all day so anyway im friends with this soldier guy i met at a place i worked with about half a year ago he texted me the other day and asked if we want to play lasertag with him and a few of his soldier buddies and i said yes so i drove there and we met it was him with two other soldiers and also the brother of one and the girlfriend of the other guy we played three round s and it was realy fun but also very exhaustin yea and turns out that that one guy who was there lives in my town and goes to that bar all the time where i live upstairs of and my friedn who invited me was with him partying just yesterday so he was out drinkin like 3 stories beneath my appartment and didn’t know because he forgot the name of my city A FOOL . yea so life does indeed is crazy sometimes so uhm we wanted to go get something to drink then but that place was closed so we wanted to meet up later at my place but then my friend texted me later he couldnt make it and i didnt ask why im just gona assume he hates me or the other people who wanted to join hate me wich is fine because i am a very wicked person and a thread to you reading this rn

June 2nd 2022:

so today was uh i dunno . i was at work and then suddenly this email came in basicaly i have to go to this academy soon for like 7 weeks and i’ll have to do this like 3 times in total so about 20 weeks of this school stuff and its basically on the other side of my country and they was deciding how they are gonna do it this year since last year was only online and all and yea so they decided to do it in the worst possible way and now i have to drive there every other week also i have to go there to like sone certain appointments wich yea basicaly tldr it means i have to drive across the country like eleven times and that covers only one of 3 courses so about 30 times in total wich is just comicaly inconvenient and then when i read that it kinda was like that last drop and i kinda always talk about how much i hate that job because its such a boring office job and all and also it kinda stresses me out like i had to visit the doctor a few weeks ago because i suddenly felt like dizzy and heard- this ringing sound and that was aparantly a stress atack so yea i kinda decided that im gonna quit for reals now so i texted my dad that i wanted to talk to him about it and yea so then i went home by train because i got my tires changed and there was this guy there talking like mumbling something about how big of an asshole someone is i dunno if it was about me i just ignored him i had other things in mind . so then i went to the gym but i didn’t realy feel like it and my trainer wasn’t there so i only did like 40 minutes and left and then i walked to the workshop to get my car so after that i drive to my parents and we had this talk about how and when to quit my job and what to do after i quit and yea it was kinda okay they did understand my reasons for quitting and all so now its time to find a new job asap i guess but i have no idea what i would do . im more the creative type and like animals but these things usualy don’t pay well .

May 29th 2022:

i was going to go on a bike ride with my dad today and he usually on sundays he and my mom they visit my grampa for coffee in the morning he lives just across the street from their place so i spontaniously decided to get there early and join them they are always happy when i do that because i dont do it that often but i parked my car right around the corner and a guy hit it and then i had to exchange imsurance information and all that but its not a big deal it actualy was the dad of my parents neighbour who hit my car . i didnt mind it much tbh its just a scratch .so then me and my dad went to the bike ride wich was nice im gettin the hang of it slowly but steady since i didnt ride any bicycles for like what 10 years i think im managing fine we went like 12 kilometers and then went back after that i went to get some fast food because i handt eaten all day . food was good. also just now i finished watching part 5 of this japanese war movie series ”the human condition“ it was hella good like the other 4 i watched so far im gona watch the last part tomorrow i think im realy excited for whats gona happen .

May 27th 2022:

today we went on this trip me and the people from work that is . we went to that farm where they have alpacas and Llamas and they were teaching us about how to deal with stress they told us to read body language and walk very slowly through the forest n stuff so yea first we had like a session where we would just sit in this gian t field full of animals and just say nothning just vibe n stuff and later everone got his own alpaca and we went on a hike thru the forest also i was the best at putting the leash onto teh alpaca i was pretty proud of that but i mean im a traine d vets asistant and stuff so i have a feeling for like body language and stuff with animals me thinks...